For a face of an angel, now I'll lay.

For a girl so beautiful, it takes my breath away.
For a touch so tender, it brightens up my day.
For a voice so sweet, my demons it will slay.
For a face of an angel, now I'll lay.

To relive the past, to dream again.
To remember all the happiness and pain.
To suffer, to embrace.
For a face of an angel, now I'll lay.

Expressway

Things you do.

Alright. Are you going to do what I think you're doing? It's so simple but yet so difficult at the same time.

You tell me you are thinking. I am thinking too. I've been thinking constantly and heavily. If only everything is so simple. It's one roller-coaster ride after another in the story of jp.

Silly girl, try and sleep ok? Don't be a zombie.

Life can be a simple empty dirt road
or an expressway.

AHH

I want to scream.

For everything is all a mess in my head now. The muddle you made. Scream.
For all the things I regret. Scream.
For every single wrong move I took. Scream.
And for all that is wrong right now. Scream.

If everything in this world is that simple. Yea you wish

How come?

Why?
How?
What?
Where?
When?
Who?

Fuck

Lucky

If there's nothing missing in her life
Why do tears come at night? - Lucky Britney Spears.

Sometimes we come across situations that require us to make a choice. We hesitate and weigh out the pros and cons. Then we take the plunge.

You will fail many times trying to succeed.

Going to be busy with work soon. Full shifts all day. Fun.

Wish me luck.

Vexed

Woke up on the wrong side of bed today.

Isn't it funny how our actions can determine how others will feel the whole day, but we will have no idea at all. Sometimes we tend to just take things in stride while forgetting there are other people out there.

I'm easily irritated now. And silently quite angry. Reason? No idea.

Maybe it's because I have all this free time after such a busy period. Maybe it's because I'm falling sick.

Maybe it's because of you.

Loop

The whole things on repeat.

Haven't you been through all this before? They say practice makes perfect but does it really. How many times will you get another chance?

I'll say this once. Don't fuck this up. Really. Bring your A game. Focus. and stay awake.

Or go to sleep. Forever.

Happy Holidays!

F

How hard is it to want just one thing?

How can you miss what you never have?

I'm trying to convince myself nothing's wrong. Trying to bluff my heart. But avoiding just doesn't help anymore. Smile?

Taking applications now. F it.

a movie

How sad is it that I have to filter what I put up here?

I'm watching a romance-comedy. The leads on the show are going through a certain cycle. They fall in love, problem arises, they break up. They fall in love again etc. It's all so predictable. It's a sad movie at times, but when it is at its happy moments, it seems the world can do no wrong.

But I'm just watching the movie though.

Miracles.

Miracles.

Time to get my life back on track. It has been put on hold for so so long.

We all wish of living the simple life, with simple miracles.

Thoughts

Sitting and thinking.

You know what you want. You know what you have to do. So just go do it. What are you hesitating for?

Times I want to scream but I can't. Then I realized I don't want to anymore.

Old man

Hey..

Old man, you got to learn to practice what you preach. It's easy to see and give advice from a third party's view, but it's hard from where you are now.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Reset the heart old man.

Wishes.

Wishes

Back when we were young, whenever we walked past a fountain, we would beg for a coin to throw in it. Whenever before we blow out the candle, we will close our eyes. Whenever we see a star, we will make a wish.

When we were all young and innocent, we believed in wishes. We wish to live in a huge mansion in the future, we wish to be a policeman/doctor/scientist/others, and we wish for happiness.

But as we grow older, we lost hope, lost faith in our wishes. We stopped wasting coins on fountains, stopped looking out for stars, and almost always never make a wish before blowing out the candles (until someone reminds us that is).

We saw the real world, the real life. We know that wishes are useless, only by doing then can we achieve something. So we stopped wishing.

Almost all of us have wishes. However, these wishes are not like the ones we had when we were young. These wishes serve only to remind us of what we do not have. In a sense, instead of making us happy, hopeful, these wishes only put us down.

We can hope, but they never come true.

I will get a sense of happiness when I see other couples. But it's only for a moment.

ELMO

Lost faith

Everyone has their own love story. Their reasons.

After spending last night talking and thinking, I realised I lost faith. In everything. For me, I'm just living day by day as it is right now. I see other people playing the game, but I know that it's all pointless.

What's wrong?

I wish to feel the drunk feeling again. It's easier to just let loose everything.

Lemon slices.

Things to do. Words to say.

Well, I've been skipping school recently. And not really caring much about school work. Old habits. Been working for the past 3 days so far. And later my day will be from 8 to 12. Wish me luck.

For some reason, I'm drinking everything with a slice of lemon now.

Things are..not great right now. It's not terrible but it's not great.

Happy Halloween.

Lets read a scary/creepy story.

I stared across the table at my best friend of 12 years, Curtis. We had just finished a delicious meal prepared by Curtis' personal chef. The after dinner conversation was boring, but then we started talking about some kid neither of us liked in high school.
"Remember Davis? From high school?" He asked.
"Yeah, yeah, wasn't he that really annoying kid that noone really liked?"
"The one and the same. Remember that time when he singlehandedly fought the twelfth grade in the snowball fight?"
"Oh yeah. Jesus I hated that kid."
"But wasn't he tasty?

Happy Halloween people.

Restart

Restart from the start.

Alright. I've decided to just wipe my mind, my heart and me out and start again. Erase all the goals, dreams and wishful thinking I have/had.

Next target, turn 18.

After that, who knows.

And once again, I'm giving up before even trying. It's better for everyone this way. Better if you don't know anything. If you need someone to cheer you up, I'll be here. But to you, I'm just a friend.

Wee

In all emoness, there's still a retard in me.

Makes no sense.

Walking through a casino.

I'm scared to play.
I'm scared to go for it.
I'm scared to lose.

People tell me.
Without playing, you'll never win.
I tell her, to fight.

How is it?
How is it that you're in my head?
It makes no sense.

A person of math and logic knows that the odds are stacked against him on the table.
And chooses to avoid playing.
A person of hope and chance knows that the odds are stacked against him on the table.
And chooses to play, hoping to win.

Am I being conservative?
Am I being pessimistic?

Stiffen that upper lip.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

If only I can scream out now.

嗟

人生为何那么复杂

不知道我在做什么
不知道我在想什么

你知道我好像喜欢上你

我好怕
我怕我又是在胡思乱想
我怕我又在做错事

你懂你一直在我脑海里吗?

Sitting here with my mind pounding over and over again.
What are you doing to me?

Gah

All the words that needs to be said,
all the thoughts that needs to be thought,
are all done.

Nothing left to do,
except wonder,
what are you doing to me?

Late.

Late.

That's what I always seem to be. Always one step too late.

Wake me up tomorrow.
I wish I can give you a sunflower.

Blind

Blind.

A blind man walks constantly in fear. The fear of getting lost. The fear of hitting something. The stick he uses helps a bit in navigation.

Give me a stick.

Song

我爱的人 不是我的爱人
她心里每一寸 都属於另一个人
她真幸福 幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨 她的爱怎麽那麽深

我爱的人 她已有了爱人
从他们的眼神 说明了我不可能
每当听见 她或他说「我们」
就像听见爱情 永恒的嘲笑声

Someone download this for me please! Wo ai de ren by Jordan Chan

Yea

You can fake a smile with your lips.
But you can't fake one with your eyes.

I'm smiling...because I have to.

MLIA

Today, while playing 20 Question, I had a girl's name in mind. Then I realised that I know very little about her. I think I'm falling for a stranger. MLIA

My days are spent wastefully stoning away at the computer. Need to read just my body clock back to school mode. Not really looking forward to school though.

Found out today that the shipment for my iTouch got delayed! I'm sort of regretting not buying it straight from a apple store, but fell for the laser engraving you can get from the online store.

Going gym/swim later.
Sometimes it's just your wishful thinking.

New Old Me

The new me.

I have purple/red hair now.
I just gotten a debit card.
I ordered a iTouch.

In many aspects, I can feel myself changing, evolving. I'm beginning to like time spent alone alot more compared to the past. And I'm not rushing as much as I did before.

Right now, I'm not really feeling anything anymore. I have this sense of suspended mindset. This numbing feeling.

I'm beginning to think I exist to play that role. That same old freaking role.

The new me. Not so much different.
You're making the same mistakes again.

Table for one.

"Table for one"

That was what I said at the entrance of thai express today.

Spent the entire day by myself, a first time for me. And I can say I enjoyed it.

Started the day as I always do. Sleep in till 3pm. Found myself on the MRT a while later on my way down to cityhall. Why cityhall? Why not.

Visited the people at canele and I got a free macaron. But I have to say caramel flavour isnt nice at all.

Bought two books today, both dan brown. The lost symbol and Da vinci code. I read da vinci code before but I lost my copy of the book. Sucks. And I just finished reading The lost symbol.

I was sitting at Suntec Starbucks with a espresso frapp and a chocolate cake, speed reading The lost symbol. Had my dinner at thai express due to a sudden craving for curry. No idea why.

The potatoes in my curry were undercooked and the curry werent that great anyway. Quite a disappointment for me.

In all, 'Alone' time was great. I took time of everything and just spent my time, worriless and carefree, reading. The silence really helped mediate.

And I finally get to say the phrase I wanted to say. Table for one.

Tilt

Being on tilt in poker means letting you emotions get to you.

Playing poker is very like playing the game of life. You don't know what's coming next, you don't know what the other players have, and half the time you don't know what you should do. One wrong move might just end your game.

I play to win. But every game has to have a loser.

Sorry babe, I fold.

Wishlist

Hey world.

Been neglecting my blog recently. But I'm back! Recently got hooked on to poker again, and playing online poker once more while watching the WSOP on youtube.

By the way, WSOP stands for world series of poker.

One of my aims is to play in the WSOP main event one day.

Here's my (long term) wishlist

• Play in the WSOP
• Open a restuarant
• Backpack europe
• Direct (& write) a musical

Just something to aim for in life.

And also regrading my story Choices, I'm putting it on hold first. Too hooked on poker now.

Oh ya, goodnight world.

Choices - Chapter 1

Note - I'm going to try to write a story. I will post up chapter by chapter as I get the time and inspiration.

Choices - Chapter 1
I remember the day where I saw the old man. It was just a gloomy Saturday morning, rain clouds were hanging ready to burst at any time. Waking up to this weather could dampen the gayest of all spirits. I lay awake in bed as I count the ticks of my grandfather clock hanging on the wall above me.

I knew I have to get out of bed soon as I had an errand to run. My mother had tasked me with the duty of delivering a gift to the Ackerley's new born daughter. Mr. Ackerley was the head of police in our little town of Brighton and it will do us no harm to get on his good side. It was rumored that whoever that crosses the path of Mr. Ackerley will never see daylight ever again in his life.

The grandfather clock stuck a total of nine times as I walked down to the sight of my mother having her breakfast.

"Good morning Mother," I greeted. "Where is the parcel I am delivering to the Ackerleys?"

Without looking up from her plate, she pointed to the chair beside her. My eyes made their way along her arm and lay rest on a box with a ribbon. Picking it up, I started my journey to the other side of town where the Ackerleys stayed.

"Good bye Mother." Looking back at her once more, she still has her mouth full with eggs and bacon. I walked out the door feeling a little disappointed, my mother had always paid more attention to food then to me. Just as the door was closing, she replied.

"It's not a good morning, it's a terrible morning"

End of chapter 1. This is the first time I'm writing in a narrative format as compared to a 3rd person point of view. So I'm a little shaky on how should I progress from here.

I should sleep soon. Have to wake up early tml. Sucks.

Newton's thrid law

''To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction"

I read on a forum that the opposite of love isn't hate, but fear.

I fear for us.
I fear that by acting on my thoughts, our lives might be messed up.
I fear we have gotten too close.
I fear that by not acting on it, I'll regret.
I fear I've screwed up. Sorry

This old man is scared.

Coins

If it's only as simple as flipping a coin.

Heads or tails?

What should I do? Where am I now?
So messed up in my thoughts right now.
Someone give my a coin.

So tell me what should I do?
Your cards say make a decision.
Mine says hope.

Yes or no?

Wake up

Hey world,

Work tomorrow at 12 and I'm still up. Watching one of my favourite movies, American Pie.

Hearing about other people's love stories is great, and I wonder when can I write one of my own.

Wake the old man up tomorrow. Sweet dreams.

Somethings wrong

Hey world.

I'm tired, but can't sleep. So addicted to minesweeper. And tabasco. Just bought a bottle today. Eating it with everything nowadays.

Silence. And distance.

Goodnight world. This old man needs to sleep.

Karma

Hello mocking world.

Well, FMAH is over so I'm left with just blaw. Didn't think I did too bad for my FMAH exam, at least I sat through the entire thing. Felt quite stoned after the paper, plus had a huge headache. Don't know why. Still quite tired now, so maybe tonight I will sleep early.

Same old story. Still paying off my bad karma.

This old man needs to sleep, and never wake up.

寂寞開在心事旁
隨手種一些傷感
不讓星星來窺探
找個沉默的夜晚

找個沉默的夜晚
不讓星星來窺探
隨手種一些傷感
寂寞開在心事旁

我的關懷方式是你無法察覺的悲涼
只能在你不經意時才鎖上我心房
你往常的親切友善 是我今生的遺憾
受傷後無悔的埋在不流露的臉上

Drunk

“A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts”

Being drunk might be the easiest thing in the world.
Being truly carefree and open.
Being yourself.

Why must we hide behind masks?
Don't we ever get tired?
I know I am.

Canele

Hello world.

So I've been working at Canele recently. Nice place to work at. Not to stressed, friendly people and I get to eat the cakes! They make damn nice cakes I got to say. Planning to buy some Macarons soon.

What are you doing to me? Sometimes your actions make me think 'hey, maybe' then you go and do other stuffs that crashes me back to earth. Am I'm not obvious enough? Wth are you doing to me?

Work tml at 6pm. Need to finish my Ihro soon though. Peace.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hey world.

Projects are rushing head on fast and furious. But the good thing is school is ending soon. So relax time coming up.

Riding on the coaster again. Wee. Wanted to type something but decided against it.

Rants and headache.

Distant.

Hey world,

Two test tomorrow. Opera and Fmah. Wish me luck ok? Stupid Ihro had to reschedule, now I have to go to school an hour earlier. Which means I should really be sleeping soon. Suddenly craving Indian food again! So someone ask me out to have some.

Ok. I get your point. So I'm not going to push it anymore. Basically, I will be acting the way I'm acting recently. All cold and distant around you. Need time to readjust back to the way we are.

Close your eyes and go to sleep old man. Rest up. Tomorrow will be better.

Aiya

Just to get this off my mind.

What am I? Who am I? My mind is playing badminton once again, on a damn roller coaster again. Agnes says follow your heart. What happens then? I dont know anymore. Fuck it.

Change

Hey world.

Today was a refreshing change. My plan worked out quite nicely. Dinner followed by a movie. The dinner was nice and not too expensive, the movie (harry potter) was just terrible. Waste of a 154 minutes.

It's hard to know what are you thinking. I think my actions are obvious enough for you to know what I'm thinking. You say look for the green light, well I'm trying my best to look for it. I am using a hundred and ten percent effort but right now, it seems like it's useless. Seems like a lost cause.

What should I do? Maybe you tell me. Time check - 1am. Night world.

Guess

Hey you.

Can you just tell me what to do? I don't like this guessing game at all. At times, I wonder what goes through your mind when you look at me. Things that I do, you know my intention. But actions that you make causes me to be puzzled. Everything seems the same.

I am tired! Time to sleep I guess. Eyes closing as I type this. No plans over the weekend! So ask me out!

Rock, paper, scissors. Guessing Games. Time check 4:45am. Goodnight you.

But

Hello world.

What am I thinking off right now? I'm trying to decipher your mind and understand you better. I always say I fully understand where I stand and what I should do,but now I don't anymore. Ah! I can do everything but still wont see the green light. Show me the green light.

The fear of rejection is a very strong excuse to use. How many of us just seize the day? Do, don't think. I need to follow that motto.

Praying for everything to go right. Work tomorrow. Bored

This is a story of a boy and a girl.
Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl.
Girl laughs and Boy loves her.
But, just but.

Signals

Hey world.

So it has been a hectic week for me. One word - Oenotheque. I have been pushing all my duties away, putting it aside for the time being. I know there will be a tidal wave of stuff waiting for me soon, so brace myself.

Hair is getting long, going to cut it soon. Been skipping dinner so becoming thinner too. Ahh changes.

High hopes, and doubts. Sweet dreams.

Hey world.

So I've been working my ass off this couple of days. It's tiring but fun at the same time. If you can afford some expensive food, come down to oenotheque to find me. Just don't order any drinks, drinks are damn expensive. One glass of Jack Daniels cost a nice amount of 15 dollars before taxes. Even I was stunned when I sent the bill to customer.

Been skipping dinner every night, and as I type this my stomach is growling for some food. Will need to stock up some bread or something at home soon.

When I skipped school today, didn't think i would see you. Time check 2:45am. Goodnight world.

Calm down and count to ten.

Hey.

Bright side - Got a job! So I wont be spending time stoning at home anymore. It will be a new challenge working part time and no more assignment based.

Dark side - Facing a huge mountain right now. Do not know if I have the will power to conquer it. Take it one step at a time I guess.

Heh. Sometimes I do wish I can find someone who gets me. I hate not being the first priority. Fuck this.

AHHHH. Ten.

Yea.

Fuck this.

Told you, your plan never ever works. You should just stop trying. You hope and you hope and what happens? All your hopes come crashing down. The more you hope for, the more you crash. What's the point? Why even bother in the first place?

Inner demons plaguing my mind.

I'm hungry.

Done deal.

Emo rant coming up.

I'm going to write all the stuff down here cause I tend to be more expressive through my blog. Well, these past days, past weeks of see-sawing back and forth finally came to an end. Finally fell of the see-saw. Can't say I'm surprised. I sort of already sensed it from you and was hoping to make the choice much much later compared to now.

How this reminds me of the scene two years ago, it's freaky. Then I made the decision to follow my heart. Now I listen to reason.

There's no way it would have worked out. It's just to messy for both of us. Mainly you though. I'm just angry and mad this hasn't happened a year ago. Bad timing huh? Truth is, you wouldn't be happy with me anyway. I'm too protective, too obsessive and think too much. I mean I could even get angry at the thought that the sony guy asked you out really spoke to me. I'm definitely not ready to be in a relationship.

Well they say you can't lose what you never had. I didn't place any bets, take any risks so I shouldn't feel the pain right? Hope thats true.

Nice guy

A post before I shut my eyes on this world.

The nice guy in me doesn't allow me to walk away. Whenever I see you sad, I will have the tendency to do things that make you happy. But I grow tired everyday. I tell myself. Walk away. Treat it as if you will treat everyone but I can't. No idea why.

Goodnight world. And what happens if he ask you to get back together? What happens to me then?

Okay

And so you want to know what's on my mind?

I'm always ok.

Dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shui?

Peom

Can someone advise me please
Things people do with ease
Why is mine so difficult
Everything's complicated

Sometimes I wonder why
Why do I even try
To make things go my way
To hear the things you say

To see the emotions you go through
To see you feeling so blue
It hurts me deep inside
So I try to be by your side

What can I really do
when I'm not the one for you
I can try to help you through
But I will always be number two

And number two I hate to be
Probably even number three
It's always the same for me
Maybe it's destiny

At times I really don't know why I'm always stuck with this job. This tedious job of being the 'rebound' guy. Tired out from all the emotional crap. So mentally worn out. What should I do?

Picture and apple trees

Take a picture of me today, before the smile goes away.
Take a picture of me again, before it starts to rain.
Take a picture of me once more, what are you waiting for?
Take a picture of me right now, before I start feeling down.

Take a video of me today, record the things I say.
Take a video of me again, while I'm still sane.
Take a video of me once more, what are you waiting for?
Take a video of me right now, while I'm still around.

Did I do the right thing? Made the right move? Played the right cards? Now I'm feeling struck out and down on my luck. Feeling all messed up and confused.

The old man found the apple tree he was. The problem is it has no more apples. What shall he do? Do he wait for the apples to grow or continue his search for his apple tree?

Lary had a mittle lamb.

Hello kind world.

Well I've been neglecting my blog. So now I'm back to write about my life. I went on a 3 week hiatus away from my laptop and that time was surprisingly relaxing. But now my laptop is repaired, I'm back to facing this soul sucking machine once again.

Going to get my hair cut tomorrow. Just cant stand my hair anymore. Too damn thick. And also, thurs - sun I'll be working PCshow 2009. So pop down and look for me.

Who wants to play a game of 'simon says' with me?
Too messy? Once again, I'm faced with this choice. Do I do the right thing, or the thing I want to do? Will I just end up hurting everyone again?

Batam!

Yeah, heading off to batam tomorrow morning. Will only be back next week. One week from everything, one week to escape the real world.

I have yet to pack. And I should really start. Hate that feeling that I will forget something. It's always that feeling when I travel.

Those who cant, teach.

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do

It's eating me alive, this feeling.

Rain

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity

Seul

A wise man once said Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

Guess what? I'm playing runescape once again. Lame game right? But I really have nothing to do at home. Oh ya, I got a new LG phone and it's pink in colour lol. Yea I know, gay rigt.

And it's raining heavily again. This the perfect weather to sleep. Which is something i need to do soon. Eyes closing. I had a sweet dream last night, hope i have it again.

And the old man is still looking for his apple tree. I hate this part. Seul..

You shi ni.

Hey, how was your day?

So I skipped another day of school. No motivation to start studying anyways. According to my classmates, our teachers are kinda strict on attendance. So I'm screwed.

I'm just blogging for blogging sake. Nothing much happening in my life at the moment. Just taking it a step at a time.

How is it that every time I'm feeling down, you message me. And those messages always seem to put a smile on my face. Don't worry, I wont drown again.

Always late

I lie awake at night.
See things in black and white.

Woah, old song. School have been tiring so far. It's hard to tune my body back to studying mode after it being in slacking mode for so long. Tomorrow is the longest day of the week for me. So wish me luck.

As I watch others playing the game. I can't help but feel left out. But I'm neutral at the moment. It's just not my time. I was late.

Help out.

I'm currently typing this with one hand.

Don't let your dirty mind wander on what I might be doing. The reason I'm typing with one hand is that my screen has gone over the edge. I need to support it with my hand or the colour gives way.

Anyway, I've skipped school already. going back to my old habits. Hope I can get up in time to not skip anymore. That means i should be sleeping earlier. Met up with some of my sec sch friends to play pool today. Pretty much slacked my life away. That's what being a teen is all about. Having fun.

May I now divert your attention to the link on the left. It's a link where you can feed the hungry. I'm sure we all have been hungry before. It's not a good feeling. There are people all around the world feeling that everyday. While we whine and gripe about how tragic our lives are, there are kids born/borne/borned (don't know which) into this world with even more pitiful conditions than us. The fact that you are near a computer/laptop reading this means you are much much more well off than them. Click on the link, it will only take 30 seconds of your time. Do your part and help feed the hungry.

This world is unfair and fair at the same time. Time check 1:50am. School tommorow. Goodnight world.

It's time like this in the silence where I feel 71 years old. Many thoughts run through my head, many life stories and many life meanings. Looking at people all around me, living thier lives carefree and careless. Sometime's I'm envious. Maybe I'm really old.

Let's get retarded.

I should really get to sleep.

It's 3.30am now and I have school tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it but I am looking forward to the morning swim I will be having. My body clock is seriously screwed, I can't get myself to sleep.

Watching random videos on youtube and I came across this.



One word. Pro.

Well I should be sleeping now. Nights world.

Eyes never lies.

Hello world.

Spent all my cash I earned from the IT show I worked at. Fast right? I'm a huge spendthrift. I am NOT going to put a tattoo on my wrist already. Lots of people made up my mind. I heard army life really suck for those who have one.

I've been going out alot recently. Trying to play as much as possible before school starts I guess. I bought a few new tees from topman. Slightly ex but worth it in my opinion. I need a new pair of shoes and a small bag! Sianed, no more cash and I still owe my mom money.

When the camera goes, it capture us when we are smiling or looking our best. Looking at photos, all I see is joy and laughter. But look past the smile and you might just catch the sadness in ones eyes. Afterall they say the eyes never lies. When will the masks come off?

Lifes a struggle. And sometimes we tend to lose hope in the world. I tend to lose hope.

“The Square Root of Three” by David Feinberg

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

Lonely square root of three.

I wanna play too.

Hello world.

BROKE RECENTLY! Stupid pay haven't come yet. I scared I gave the wrong account number to them. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

Once I get my pay, I'm going to put a tatoo on my wrist. Already made up my mind, so don't try to talk me out of it. I will do it. Owe alot of people cash too. Spending like my money is free lately. Cabbing everywhere. No more cab for me.

And once again I missed the boat. Maybe I'm too passive. Maybe it's not my turn. Time check - 4:30am. Still aint sleeping.

Mind Reader

We live in a world where we do not know what other people are thinking. We need to read signs such as body language or tone of speech. From there, we will try to guess what the other party really means.

DO we really want to know what is others thinking or what we want them to think? Do we really want to be mind readers?

So I have no idea where I'm heading. I'm just testing water, taking my time. But this actions in the past have made me miss my chance before. To be or not to be.

And you looked pretty. Time check - 5am. Goodnight world

Manhattans

So I saw you again today. Was considering whether should I meet you today but I'm glad I did. Cause it made me realise what I should have realised long ago. You've changed, you've moved on. And I did too. After today, I did not feel the usual feelings of emoness I would get everytime I see you, but I felt happy that you are so happy.

And you tell me to find someone to be part of my life again. But what happened between us was so naturally, too naturally. I don't know how anymore. But yea, right now I'm neutral. Living one day by one day, slowly.

You know you'll always be in my heart. I'll always love you. But not in a same way that I once was. I've grown stronger and learnt from my mistakes. The past won't happen again.

So I dreamt

A dream is a wish your heart makes.

Yea. I'm wishing but will it come through. A bitter-sweet dream of you. uh yeah.

Sometimes I'm trying to hard. Sometimes I'm neutral.

Stoning

Things are on auto pilot for me right now. Living a day a a time, without any plans whatsoever.

Time check 4:15am. Goodnight world.

90%

Hello world.

My holidays are pretty much empty! Stupid GAP haven't called us, probably didn't get the job, damn. Now I will stone at home for the holidays. Bored!

Relieved that you're back and safe. I'm totally convinced that I'm 90% over you. Stay safe babe.

Time check 5:15am. I should really be sleeping. Body clock screwed. J again?

Your call

I was born to tell you I love, and I am torn to do what I have to.

Summary of the day in a words. Bbq, cab, trolley play, hot chicks, numbers, msn, 2nd hand smoke, smses, fun.

Waiting for your call. Nights.

Alone doesn't means lonely

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend

Cant speak now. No more voice! Thanks to 4 days work and clubbing yesterday. Some troubles bothering me now. Same old shit over again.

Feelings of loneliness is nagging at me. Every where I look, everyone has someone that care for them and they can show care to. Everyone has someone except for me.

Goodnight world.

4 more days - Mahjong

March 11th. 22 months since we met through mahjong. Played mahjong today too.

Four more days. Relationship problems and memories

5 more days - Romcoms

Every romantic comedy I've watched tends to follow a certain story line. There's the meeting, the happy times, the complication, the sad part (which is normally a montage of how are they handling the break up) and the talk. The talk is the most important point. That's where the feelings come pouring out. For my movie, we haven't had the talk yet. Right now, I'm still stuck in a montage of sad songs. But you're too busy.

Five more days. Maybe I watch too much television. Damn worried.

6 more days - Rollercoasters

Roller coasters. Same ride again? Hate it when people just stop replying messages suddenly.
Six more days. Still worried for you.

Counting down - 7 days.

Somehow I find myself thinking of you again. You're like an addiction to me. Obviously I'm not a big deal to you anymore, but you're still a huge part of my life. Things I said you might have forgotten, but things you said I'll always remember.

One more week. I'm worried

Digital Asia!

Woo peoples! I got a job at Digital Asia for the IT show. The pay scheme is so much better compared to Triple A la. Hopefully this time I can earn more!

Genting was fun to a large extent. Certain times, certain feelings came back to haunt me again. And no, it's not my strawberry shortcake. Here I thought I had forgotten.

I'm walking in the rain, braving the storm and reminiscing about the past. Sub me out and replace me please.

Enchanted

Enchanted. A story of the differences between fairytales and reality. Sometimes fairytales can happen in reality.

I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss
And been dreaming of a miss I miss.

In this world, will fairytales happen?

Mundane

Time check 2:30am.

Dear diary,
Today was a crappy day. I spent my time staring at a computer screen the entire day. It's so unfulfilling and time wasteful. If only I have FOM notes, then I would be able to study.

Yeah right. Well, as I said I wasted a day today. Slacking, stoning and slacking. Been going out almost the entire week so today had to stay home to watch my budget. Still hate home cook food.

How many of us can really achieve fame and fortune in this world? How many of us can become rock stars, actors or even pro-gamers? Most of us will just end up living a routine life, a mundane job and boring schedules. Wake up at 6:30, Reach work at 8, End work at 6, Dinner at 7, In bed by 10. Do we really want that? All these school bullshit to live a repeating and insanely, mind-numbing day over and over again. What's the whole point?

Once again, I'm getting shitty feelings of being alone. It's like everyone has someone but me. Where's my Noah's Ark?

Scars

I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is that
I care too much.
My scars remind me
That the past is real
I tear my heart open
Just to feel

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I got to move on with my own life.

Valentines

Remember it? Doubt you do.

Anyway recently came across lots of relationship problems.

Happy valentines babe. You'll always be my baby

Fuck this. If you want to be busy, you be busy. Aint going to care anymore

Organisation Management

Going to school to take OM test now. In my opinion, how to lead/manage can't be taught as a subject. It come naturally and not everyone can be a good manager. Stupid module teaching us about how you should solve conflicts, delegate tasks etc. Going to crap my way through the test. Not going for the last two weeks of lecture/tutorials really caused me to be lost. No idea what Foundations of Behavior and Organization Structure & Design Decisions is. Good luck to me.

Hmm

Ok. Here's a quick update in my life. This wont be organized. Been GAMBLING and losing cash lol. Not really caring much about it as it's once a year so no worries. I aint a gambler yet. It's surprising for me to be so busy but accomplish so little. Practically did nothing productive for so long. Exams coming so weeeeee. People. I need notes to study! Please please please please lend me so I can study. YES study. Genting trip pretty much confirmed, I think it will be fun.

Sidenote - It's amazing how seeing you for only 5 mins can mess me up so badly. Dreamt about you again.

Zodiacs

Aries compatibility
Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac.This sign, more than any other, needs to lead. A natural-born warrior, fearless and courageous when positive, but foolhardy and reckless when negative, an Aries person is difficult to ignore, highly competitive, hard to beat, in sufferably annoying, but strangely likeable.Aries people are strong-willed, adventurous, naturally extrovert, and impulsive.Loaded with energy and vitality, they charge at full power into their endeavors and expect people to keep up with them. Most Arian people are direct, outspoken and uncomplicated. Arians can strike out and hurt, both mentally and physically, but they are just as quick to forgive and forget.
Zodiac compatibility: Libra, leo, sagittarius, gemini
Best Engagement Stone: diamond, bloodstone
Love color: red, black
Love flower: daisy


Taurus compatibility
Taurus is the second sign of the zodiac.They are content to take second place in the ventures they undertake.Taureans are quiet, gentle people, but they know their own mind.The thought of too much action can sometimes make a Taurean feel physically sick.
Taurus people love money, wealth, and status more than anything else, and it is rare to find a truly poor Taurean.They know how to handle their finances, despite being spendthrifts, and like to be seen as the people who have everything. Taureans feel trapped or imprisoned if denied physical access to the land.They are always greenfingered in some way.
Zodiac compatibility: virgo, capricorn
Best Engagement Stone: sapphire
Love color: green
Love flower: carnation, roses, violets


Gemini compatibility
Gemini signs are built with restlessness, versatility, and a constant desire for mental activity. Sometimes Gemini people cannot stop talking but it's mainly gossip for their own personal experiences. Geminis are clever. Their talent with words also makes them good writers and orators.
Geminis can bluff their way through any situation. Relatives, friends, and companions are very important to Gemini people.Their restless nature leads them to travel by road, rail, and air. The Geminians life may appear to be chaotic, but this is how they like it.
Zodiac compatibility: aquarius, aries, libra
Best Engagement Stone: agate, amber
Love color: yellow
Love flower: rose


Cancer compatibility
Cancer signs have deep emotions and fathomless longings. Rather than take a risk and put all their energy into something that might fail, they prefer to wait and watch. When the time is ripe they dive in with great speed and efficiency. They are serious, caring, sensitive people with complex psyches.This is a sign that dislikes taking unneccessary risks. When the going gets tough, they are perfectly content to dig in and surround themselves with domestic comfort and security. A wounded Cancerian is not an easy person to deal with. Given the opportunity at the right time, people of this sign cope remarkably well with fame, fortune, and responsibility. Money and a sense of security play an important part in the Cancerian scheme of life.Though careful with money they are kind, generous and thoughtful.
Zodiac compatibility: scorpio, pisces
Best Engagement Stone: emerald, pearl
Love color: pearl white
Love flower: lily of the valley


Leo compatibility
Proud and regal, fiery and determined, the subjects of the leo sign are always a bit larger than life. Leos love to be noticed, admired, and adored. Innately lazy and good-natured, it is often quite difficult for Leo subjects to make an effort to assert themselves. Leos are renowned for being eternal children. Leos are loyal, likable, and often quite lovely people, but they can also be self-indulgent, stubborn, and prone to sulking if they don't get their own way.They are warm, demonstrative, and theatrical and love pageantry, blitz and glamour. They love adornment of their physical self. When Leos commit themselves to something they go with it for life. Leos are honest in love life. Leos when loved and respected have hearts of gold. But when not loved or when they are not reciprocated they become depressed, self-pitying and self-destructive.
Zodiac compatibility: libra, leo, sagittarius, capricorn
Best Engagement Stone: onyx, diamond, amber, garnet
Love color: yellow, red, orange
Love flower: gladiolus


Virgo compatibility
Virgos seem to sit on the fence looking backward with confidence and at the same time displaying a certain timidity in moving forward.Virgoan subjects are happy to remain in the background, employing their organizational skills to help those with extrovert talents.Virgos are practical, sensible, logical, and clever.They can make mountains out of molehills in both a positive and negative context .Virgos are renowned for their fussy, worrying, critical natures-traits which can be very irritating to other signs.They are perfectionists who need to have everything just right. No sign is more critical or more demanding of itself than Virgo. Fussiness, which borders on obsession at times, is apparent with most Virgoans.
Zodiac compatibility: taurus, capricorn, cancer, scorpio
Best Engagement Stone: cornelian
Love color: grey, yellow
Love flower: azalea


Libra compatibility
Libran subjects tend to center their lives around love and relationships. People born under Libra zodiac sign need a partner in order to be at their best and feel fulfilled. Librans are reluctant to select a direction until they are absolutely certain it is the right one. For this reason they tend to be thought indecisive.
Librans love to impose a sense of order in their lives-everything must look perfect-appearance, clothing, possessions, home and environment must be scrupulously clean and tidy. Most librans posses a hard, cold, steely core. When they are confronted and forced to show their true colors, subjects of this sign can turn out to be remarkably hard, aggressive, and verbally self protective. Outwardly likable, gracious, and caring, it comes as a surprise when, at the slightest hint of trouble, Librans quickly vanish.To achieve balance in all aspects of their lives is the ultimate aim of most Librans, but sometimes the means does not justify the end.
Zodiac compatibility: aquarius, gemini, aries, scorpio, leo
Best Engagement Stone: ruby, pearl, peridot
Love color: blue
Love flower: orchid


Scorpio compatibility
Scorpio is probably the most feared and yet the most revered sign of the zodiac. Most Scorpios would not hurt a fly for they are as gentle, caring, and generous as they can be hard, cruel, and mean. It really depends how they are treated.This is a sign which demands respect and usually gets it. Scorpions are highly sensitive, emotional creators who are so easily hurt that they cannot bear to show their feelings for fear of being ridiculed.Scorpios develop from an early age the ability to control such outer expressions of emotion, and remain dry-eyed. Scorpios do not forgive easily, if even at all, and are capable of holding a grudge for the rest of their lives. Scorpio subjects are hardworking, generous, and very determined. Once they begin a task, they will be dedicated to finishing it. Scorpios can become obsessively devoted to a person, a cause, or a project.
Zodiac compatibility: libra, taurus, cancer, pisces
Best Engagement Stone: aquamarine, jasper, malachite
Love color: golden, black, red
Love flower: chrysanthemum


Sagittarius compatibility
Given freedom, they are warm, affectionate, funny,and interesting companions .The adaptability of Sagittarius gives ambidexterity to its subject and enables them to tackle more than one thing at a time. Concentration is not their strong point, however, and they often become unstuck when talking on too much.Their love of change and variety makes them fascinating but unreliable .Projects are started but not finished, appointments and promises are made but not kept, and words are spoken which mean nothing a few days later.Sagittarians listen earnestly to advice but rarely follow it.They are easily able to forgive and forget. Regarded as the luckiest sign of the zodiac, Sagittarius always appear to land on their feet. They can be reckless and foolhardy, and children of this sign are often prone to accidents. Sagittarius are known for their bluntness and what they perceive is plain honesty. Diplomacy is an alien word to them. They are great storytellers.
Zodiac compatibility: sagittarius, gemini, libra, aries, leo
Best Engagement Stone: cornelian, topaz, opal
Love color: black, light blue
Love flower: jasmine


Capricorn compatibility
Capricorn subjects have a sense of duty and responsibility toward themselves and others. Capricorns solider on down the road of success. Because they work hard at everything they do, they expect everyone else to be the same. Laziness, apathy, and lack of ambition are alien words to Capricorns.
From a very early age Capricorns seem to have old heads on their young shoulders. Baby capricorns have fewer tantrums than the other children of the zodiac cycle. Capricorns need masses of respect, recognition, and security in their lives. Capricorns of all types are intrinsically loyal, reliable, honest, hardworking, and astute.
Zodiac compatibility: virgo, taurus, scorpio
Best Engagement Stone: ruby, diamond, crystal
Love color: green, yellow, black
Love flower: tulip


Aquarius compatibility
Aquarius is one of the hardest signs of the zodiac to understand. Aquarius are often felt to be unfathomable when in reality they live almost entirely on the surface.Aquarians will not reveal their innermost feelings no matter how hard others may try to persuade them, simply because they are unable to do so.People of this sign have a reputation for being enigmatic, difficult to understand, and different from everyone else, and cleverly play on this to gain power and attention.They are extremely friendly yet detached at a personal level, sociable in large gatherings, but unsociable at smaller meetings and parties which require greater intimacy. They are helpful and compassionate when involved with charities or group activities.
Zodiac compatibility: aries, leo, libra, gemini
Best Engagement Stone: garnet, turquoise, agate
Love color: blue
Love flower: violet


Pisces compatibility
This is the sign which contains a little of every other sign and is often the hardest of all to understand. Pisces are rarely content. Typical Pisces subjects are quiet and introspective, preferring to watch and wait rather than dive straight in. They are generally kind, sympathetic, and supportive, and readily offer a listening ear for people with problems and a shoulder for friends to cry on.
But when the time comes that they need to be comforted themselves, they find it hard to express their feelings to others and often turn away and console themselves in private. The Pisces capacity to reach great heights and sink to the lowest depths leaves them vulnerable to addictions. Pisces are gullible and easily tempted, especially when young.
Zodiac compatibility: cancer, scorpio
Best Engagement Stone: amethyst, fluor spar
Love color: white, light blue, ocean green
Love flower: bluebell

Quite true for me. How true is it for you?

Scorpio Capricorn Compatibility
A Scorpio is as scared of getting involved in a frivolous relationship as a Capricorn. Both of them are very sensitive and very emotional, but none of them ever lets this show.

So true for this. November 14th - Scorpio, January 18th - Capricorn

No Jp No

Seeing you online, want to talk to you so much. But I know the outcome, you will respond saying you're busy or smth. So no point.

NO JP NO.

Void

Don't know if you're busy, or you're just avoiding me.

Emptiness feeling. Void.

Chalet

Havoc chalet. Beer, Liquor, Cigarettes, bbq, snacks, soft drinks, poker, blackjack, big/small, escape theme park, 4 hours of sleep, water guns, loud music, sheesha and many more

I did lots of drinking (chugging down beer and a few shots of vodka.) and got alot of 2nd hand smoke. Didnt smoke or sheesha myself though. Staying true to my principle of never smoking. It was fun meeting up with the guys again. Bunch of crappers.

Another topic. Happy birthday Shortie. 18 this year. Hope you like the gift from me.

Once again, you laid in my arms. But this time I'm telling myself it's not a big deal. And I wont make the same mistake twice. Happy bday.

wishful

In our learning process, we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. Cause from mistakes, we can grow and mature more as a person. Ocean and swimming all over again.

I just to accept that you'll most likely have someone else chasing you. I need to wake up from this wishful dream of mine. Now all I can do is just pretend to be your friend, and I will continue to do that. Cause 2-3 sentences from you is better than nothing at all. At least you're doing fine.

Worst fear.

Had a dream last night. It showed one of my worst fears. Caused me to feel all crappy inside. Why does it still bother me so much. I have nothing to be mad and sad about it but still I feel mad and sad. One year already you stupid idiot! WAKE THE FUCK UP!